Hey everyone! It's Shay here and I am excited to be taking over Onyx+Ivy's blog today to share my story of pregnancy as a lesbian woman.
From a very young age reproduction pops into your head...
Whether you played with dolls and they were your “babies” or you just envisioned what it would be like to be in the same position your parents were at that very moment.
As you get older your ideas on parenthood start to change, perhaps they become stronger, and your need to breed intensified.
Or maybe you think being with your partner is more than enough to make you happy.
You could even be a lone wolf, a nomad someone who was born to wonder and be free.
When you were young though, and thought of the idea of children or no children... you probably didn’t think about the fact that if you should take the parent road, it would be different for you.
For my wife and I, the idea of being parents didn’t really line up for quite sometime.
For me, having lost my mother at a young age, and her being adopted... the need to feel that connection, that piece of her, became stronger and stronger as the years passed.
For my wife, children weren’t on her radar. But as the topic came up, and up, and up; and the years passed by...one day she decided she was ready. And miraculously, two weeks after that my eggo was preggo.
This isn’t common for most couples, especially not queer ones. However the beauty in which we create is so diverse, so unique and so filled with love.
During my pregnancy the usual questions were asked, “what is the sex of the baby, when are you due, do you have any cravings?”
But then there were these other questions, which to the person asking...were seemingly innocent questions, however these questions come with triggers and biases. “What will the baby call you? Will you both celebrate Mother’s Day? But who’s the mom? This may seem rude of me- but I thought you were gay? How did you conceive?”
Now I get it, when a situation is different, it is simply human instinct to ask questions. However, I can’t recall ever asking someone how they conceived their child.
When doing our online hospital registration (due to covid-19), the nurse (even though she could clearly see my wife and I) kept referring to all the “daddies” in the room. I remember feeling uncomfortable, like we didn’t belong. I think when you’re queer, you just get used to these common occurrences, and you try to chalk them up in your head like “oh they didn’t mean anything by that” or “they’re just from a different generation”. But the truth is, all medical professionals go through training, and know better.
So as much as I’d like to give everyone a pass, to be honest it’s draining having to explain over and over that our baby has two mothers, no we didn’t go to a clinic, and we will both be celebrating Mother’s Day (as we are both our baby’s mothers).
It’s as if somehow people get lost in all the differences, and somehow forget that we have so many more similarities. Having a baby changes your whole world, sometimes they don’t sleep... teething is absolutely awful for everyone...and when you see that baby smile or hear them laugh; it’s as if all of the bad things in this world disappear in that moment that is so pure.
Long story short, the next time you see a family that doesn’t look the same as yours, instead of singling them out, maybe first stop and appreciate that love comes in so many different shapes and forms, and be kind. In a world filled with so much uncertainty, the one thing that we could always use more of is kindness.
Much love and light!